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Solo on Valentine’s Day? No Problem!

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Jeff Hobson

We all can agree: It’s perfectly OK to be single. That is, until Valentine’s Day creeps around. Everywhere, objects are brutally forced into the shape of a heart and explode all over grocery stores aisles and invade every social outing well before Feb. 14 rolls around. All you paired-off soulmates feel bad for us sad, single spinsters. But, if you think about it, it’s pretty clear that we’re the ones who should be feeling sorry for you. If you’re in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, here’s why you should reconsider your relationship status:

You’d have more space. Has half your closet been taken over by clothes that aren’t yours? Does an extra toothbrush and a sticky tube of hair gel take up valuable real estate on your bathroom counter? If you were single, that would all magically disappear.

Speaking of the bathroom.There’s one way to put the toilet paper on the roll correctly, and their way is the wrong way. You know what we’re talking about.

You could sleep easy. Were you jostled awake every 15 minutes for the last hour because your other half thinks they’ll get up and go to the gym? If they weren’t there, you could get a full eight hours (OK; let’s be honest: six hours) of uninterrupted bliss.

You don’t have to share. Lately, it’s impossible not to come home from trips to the grocery store without a bag or two of Valentine’s-themed candy. Makes you want to throw on your sweatpants and binge the whole lot. But your girlfriend is there, expecting some, too. Sharing might be caring, but it’s also a special kind of torture.

You could watch that show they don’t like. You love The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, but your partner hates it. And even though that seems like a red flag, you love them and want to make it work. Now, you have to wait to watch your show in the rare moments you have the place to yourself, as if you’re committing some unspeakable crime. If you were single, you could avoid this whole fiasco and be watching the season a second time (it’s really good).

A dog would be better. True, this isn’t something you have to be single to enjoy. You can parent an adorable pup together. But why not save yourself some trouble, skip the human, and just keep the cute furry friend all to yourself? 

You would have so much more money. Can you imagine the amount of money you would save if you didn’t have to buy all those Valentine’s Day gifts and romantic dinners? If your boyfriend weren’t there, you could save that money and take yourself on a soul-searching trip Eat. Pray. Love. -style.

More time for friends. No; we’re not talking about the show Friends (although, you’ll have more time for that too, which is a plus). Balancing a romantic relationship with all of your friendships is hard work. If you cut that second person out of the picture, you and your best friends could be enjoying way more happy hours together.

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